Milestones

One aspect of parenting I had never considered prior to having kids is how preoccupied I would become with their development.  When I was pregnant, I thought (hoped?) that I would have this wonderful relaxed attitude towards the twins' growth, that I would just trust the idea that all babies have their own schedule and that they would eventually get there in their own time.  And then I gave birth at twenty-five weeks.  (Funny how that changes things.)

When you go into labour that early, one of the first things you are told during that scary blur of time before your babies arrive, is that premature babies are often developmentally delayed, even if nothing else happens to them.  It's a consequence of missing all of that extra time in utero, and it's totally reasonable.  Then, your babies come out, and everyone reminds you about the chance of delays, and you say, yes, yes, of course, delays, no big deal.  But in your head, you think....I really, really hope we will be the exception.

Eventually, the other women in your life with due dates around yours give birth to full-term babies, and you are happy for them, but also sad for you.  It's a reminder of what you never had, a reminder of all the awful stuff you had to go through because you never made it that far, and you start to become a little bit obsessed with the milestones.  Her little boy is making lots of cooing noises, why isn't Reid?  Her little girl is rolling over already, why isn't Madeleine?  You ask lots and lots of questions.  How much does your little one weigh now?  How much does she take at her feedings?  Is your baby doing lots of tummy time?  Is he smiling or giggling?  Does she reach for her toys?

It is of course, completely relevant and irrelevant at the exact same time.  Every baby is different, and every baby will approach these tasks in their own way.  Reaching a developmental marker late does not mean your baby has a problem.  Except when it does.  Whenever Madeleine sleeps a lot more than Reid (which is most of the time), or vomits, or is grumpy and cries, I worry that her shunt is malfunctioning (and never that she maybe just likes sleep/ate too much/is just grumpy).  When other babies show more progress with motor development, my brain automatically screams CEREBRAL PALSY.  When Reid fails to coo or make noise when he tries to giggle, I wonder if maybe his vocal cords were damaged by his ventilator.

And then, just like that, Reid will start gooing and gahhing when you are talking to him like he's been doing it all along.  Madeleine will easily roll onto her side on her play mat like it was nothing, even though she never expressed any interest in doing it the day before.  And, just when you least expect it, Reid will let out a big, enthusiastic laugh on the change table before he is put down for bed, and your heart will skip a beat.

It is a reminder that, while I did get premature babies, while they had to come out into the world before they were ready, they are still fully-formed, capable little people who have managed to make it through things that even adults would struggle with.  Even though I'll probably never stop worrying, I owe it to them to be patient and trust their own abilities.  They are really, really good at showing us what they are made of.

Three Months Corrected

Today, the babies hit the three month corrected mark.  More so than ever before, things are starting to get really fun - each week they seem like completely new babies who can do all sorts of new things, and their little personalities are really starting to develop.  It has also been interesting to see just how different they are.  Watching them grow at this stage of their babyhood is so fascinating and lovely and wonderful, and makes us so excited for all the milestones that lie ahead.

Madeleine at three months...

...weighs 4.95 kg, or just shy of 11 lbs

...is sleeping through the night like an absolute champ.  She will easily go 8-10 hours of solid sleep per night, and sometimes will go for 12 if she is feeling generous.  She clearly gets this ability from me, and I am very, very happy about it.

...is starting to develop a real sense of humour!  She loves it when we play little games, or tell funny stories, and sometimes she will even mimic Matt's funny faces.  She keeps us laughing all day long and we love it so much.

...is also turning into a bit of a wannabe chatterbox (a girl after my own heart!).  She has figured out how to make the sounds 'goo' and 'gah', and uses them frequently, while waving her hands around like she is making a VERY IMPORTANT POINT.  My favourite part is her attempts at conversations - I like to repeat her 'goos' and 'gahs' in the same voice she gave them to me, and when I do, she will happily continue rambling, pleased that I was able to pick up on what she was saying.  I cannot wait to see how this side of her continues to develop (both for my own in-awe excitement, and also for the back-of-my-mind anxiety I have over how her brain will be able to handle language and speech acquisition).

...is starting to gain some noticeable strength in her arms and legs, and is able to scooch herself into different positions (especially at night - we never know which direction she'll be facing when she wakes up!).  She is also starting to like toys, and is realizing that she can reach out to them, which is fun to see.

...has found her thumb and fingers and is quite certain that they are delicious.  She is able to suck on her thumb to self-soothe when she is tired or hungry, which is fascinating to watch.

...is actually pretty laid back in general, and not much bothers her.  In fact, in the morning when she wakes up, she will happily hang out in her bassinet sucking her thumb until you decide to come get her ("no big deal mama, I'll just hang out here until you're ready!").

...thinks now, more than ever, that her brother is totally awesome.  She has always had an affinity for Reid even back in the NICU (though it was incredibly unrequited!) and that has only grown.  She loves lying next to him, watching him, holding on to him.  I cannot wait to watch their relationship evolve as they grow.

...is doing well health-wise.  Day-to-day she is quite an easy, patient baby, and few things bother her.  She has a pretty strong stomach, hasn't had any diaper rashes, and rarely cries unless she is very hungry (which is our fault anyway!).  At our last neurosurgery checkup, her shunt looked great, so we will just continue going back every few months to monitor it.  Other than being a bit on the small side, our little warrior is pretty healthy and fantastic!

Reid at three months...

...weighs 5.75 kg (approximately 12 lbs 11oz) and getting bigger and bigger by the day!

...has moved into size two diapers and 3-6 month clothing

...is also sleeping through the night, but draws the line at about 7-8 hours.  At around 6 or 7am, Reid gets up and he is ready for a bottle IMMEDIATELY, YOU BETTER GET UP RIGHT NOW MOM AND DAD!  It's a bit of a shame, since Maddie sleeps for so much longer, but once Reid does get his morning bottle, he'll often go back to sleep for an hour or two (which means we get to go back to sleep as well)

...has the most amazing smile I have ever seen.  It is a big ol' grin, and he smiles at all sorts of things (including mama, which is the best part).  He can also be quite serious and pensive, and usually has a furrowed brow and little clasped hands, which is super cute, even if I'm sure he doesn't see it that way!

...is a pretty sensitive child, and has a stronger emotional need than his sister (which is just fine by me).  Reid will tend to get upset more often by a variety of things (and sometimes by nothing at all), and also likes to be held and cuddled a lot more, at times just for the sake of being cuddled.  He has a fair bit of tummy trouble and still suffers from acid reflux, which certainly doesn't help his intermittent misery, and is a big source of frustration for all of us, as there isn't a whole lot that we can do to help him.

...is also realizing that toys are awesome, and loves to lie in his crib watching his mobile.  He squeals with excitement when you turn it on, which is basically the sweetest thing ever.  Speaking of squealing, he is trying SO HARD to laugh, although right now all he can manage to get out is a little gurgling sound.  Soon enough, buddy, soon enough.

Now that we've been at home together for (almost) three months, I do feel as though we are starting to really get the swing of things as a little family.  And I have to say, it is pretty amazing!  We are headed for a new curveball starting next week, when Matt returns to work after his parental leave, but I am so glad we've been able to get as much time together as we have.  These three months have been even more incredible than I ever could have hoped.

Lucky

A couple years back, I met an elderly woman waiting for the bus at a hospital.  She was a sweet, widowed Irish lady, and we spoke a bit about her life, and her adult daughter, who was pretty significantly mentally disabled, and who was now hospitalized.  It turned out that the woman actually had eleven children (eleven!), and it sounded like she and her husband had had a long, hard life - lots of mouths to feed, next to no money, always working hard, and a severely handicapped child to boot.  I couldn't possibly imagine how tiring it must have all been, how stressed out she must have felt all the time.

And then she said, "you know, my husband and I used to get in bed at night, turn to each other and say, if only everyone were as lucky as us."

I remember at the time thinking how sweet that was, and how nice it was to think that she still found a way to enjoy her life despite all of the many challenges.  I figured that if I were broke and stressed and had all those kids, I probably wouldn't be able to put such a positive spin on it.  I didn't get it.

Now, I have two kids (at once!).  We're broke, we're tired, we're stressed.  There are probably a million things my pre-baby self wanted that I will never get to do.  There are so many ways our lives could be better.  And yet, today, on Father's Day, I turned to Matt and said, "I really think we might be the luckiest people alive."

I get it now.

Good Morning!

Even though the babies have become great sleepers, they still unfortunately insist on waking up before my old, preferred, pre-children wake-up time of, oh, as close to noon as possible.  They must sense my misery though, because they are often extra cute and sweet during these early morning hours.

This morning, that cute and sweet moment was a little happy dance while their mobile played.  (The mobile, I am realizing, is just about the BEST THING EVER when you are almost three months corrected.)

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/68460239 w=500&h=281]

Matty & Maddie

I usually don't get to watch an entire TV show from start to finish these days, but I do get to catch bits and pieces here and there (usually online).  This morning I saw a clip of an interview with Kristen Bell on Ellen, the first since she'd given birth to her first baby a few months back, and in it, she spoke about how her partner, Dax Shepard, had taken to fatherhood.  Her verdict?  "It's like he's made a new best friend."

When I heard that, I knew that it was exactly the perfect way to describe what I had been feeling about the relationship between Matt and Madeleine since she's come home.  It's like he's made a new best friend.

I had a feeling, well before I ever got pregnant, that Matt would be an incredible father.  I figured that all of the traits that make him a good husband - and a good human being in general - would easily transfer over when he became a dad.  He has a truly kind heart.  He is incredibly empathic, very patient and understanding.  He is reliable, loyal and trustworthy.  He is hilarious.  And he also just really happens to like children, which I assume is always a plus.  But, even still, even though I knew all of these things about him in advance, I did worry a little bit.  How are you really supposed to know how someone is going to react to such a big, permanent life change?  What if he didn't take to parenthood as well as I wanted him to?

Turns out I needn't have worried - Matt is a natural, involved parent, and I learn from his example on a daily basis.  But although I did have a suspicion that this would be the case, I did not expect just how strong his bond with Madeleine would become.

He loves Reid to pieces of course (though there is pretty much nothing not to love about Reid!).  He takes care of Reid so well, and will be such a wonderful role model for him as he grows.  But seeing him with Madeleine is something else.  He knows all her little quirks, such as the specific way she needs to be burped so she doesn't puke, or how she likes to be put down for bed.  He loves choosing her outfits, loves getting her to smile (and NO ONE can make Maddie smile like Matt can), loves giving her cuddles and kisses.  He gives her endearing nicknames.  They have inside jokes.  He pretty much completely adores her, and the feeling is certainly mutual.

As Maddie's mother, it excites me to no end to think about what a gift this relationship will be in her life as she grows.  I hope, of course, that she always feels bonded to me as well, that she knows I love her unconditionally and believe in her and think she is absolute full-on perfection.  But I feel incredibly blessed to know that her dad thinks the world of her, that her favourite person on the planet thinks she is his favourite too.

His new best friend.